I usually can’t go more than a month without reading some article or blog about the “why” behind people leaving the church or leaving the ministry.  If you work in a non-profit, you experience the same loss of volunteers and team members as for-profit companies at the same rate - they just don’t write as many blogs about it. So I wanted to take a moment to address what’s happening to YOU (the leader) when someone leaves your church/team/organization.  It’s inevitable that you will deal with the loss of good staff, great volunteers, and congregants/supporters if you lead at any level within a church or non-profit. This happens in business as well, but for the sake of this post - I’m focused on these 2 categories. Here are some thoughts I’ve gleaned over the last decade of ministry.

1. It IS personal, but you don’t have to take it personally.  Anytime you lose a good staff person, don’t kid yourself - it IS personal.  When someone decides to no longer volunteer for your organization - it IS personal.  When people stop supporting your charity or stop attending your church - it IS personal.  EVERYONE who makes these decisions are doing so with personal interests, desires, and preferences as a driving factor.  Every decision we make is a personal one - it’s impossible to emotionally remove yourself from this decision. However, you don’t need to take it personally.  As leaders, we control how we RESPOND!  Not just publicly, but even in our own minds/hearts, we are in control of how we respond when someone leaves.  It feels personal because it IS personal. That’s true. When we respond negatively, we are taking something personally and attaching a negative motive to someone’s actions and that negative motive is directed at us. Even when someone does have a negative motive, we still have the choice to not take it personally. Warning: GUARD AGAINST CYNICISM.  I’ve met more than my fair share of leaders who are shut down and overly cynical because they’ve had an unhealthy response instead of not taking something personally.  They’ve grown callous and uncaring.  This is NOT the answer. GUARD YOUR HEARTS against being cynical. [Tweet "When people leave - it feels personal because it IS personal."]
2. God brought them…You didn’t.  Sure, you created the welcoming space, a mission to partner with, and maybe even some programs that fit their lives... but you didn’t MAKE anyone do anything.  As a Christian, we don’t believe in the random chaos theory of universal connection.  People don’t just bump into one another by accident or through a series of random events.  God brings people to your organization and God removes them or allows them to leave.  It’s pretty simple. Yes, you did take part in serving them and providing space for them, but YOU didn’t actually bring them. Even when I PERSONALLY invite someone to my church, I didn’t MAKE anyone come to it. You can’t MAKE them stay, just as you CAN’T choose someone's future FOR them.“The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” (this verse isn’t just for cancer patients!) [Tweet "God brings people to your organization and God removes them or allows them to leave.  It’s pretty simple."]
3. The Kingdom of God is BIGGER than YOUR church/organization. God uses people wherever HE chooses to use them. When we  lose sight of the KINGDOM, we tend to view people, not as sheep belonging to the GREAT SHEPHERD, but we start viewing them as OUR PERSONAL PROPERTY! We build fences and attach fear of going outside of the walls of our property (like that movie “The Village”). Even when people leave your organization for all the wrong reasons, they are NEVER your property!  They are God’s creation and HE loves them more than we could ever imagine.  Whenever we FUSS and MOAN about people leaving, we are simply revealing what is hidden in our hearts.  You viewed them as YOURS… your property, your possession, your people - and you lost sight of the Kingdom!

SIDE NOTE.  Here’s something that I STILL struggle with and I’ll be honest and say I’m not sure yet how to overcome it. It’s personal and it’s my response, but I fail more often in this area than others. I struggle the most when people leave the church and simply DRIFT.  They don’t go to another church, they don’t start their own non-profit, they don’t start supporting a different cause that aligns with them better.  They just don’t do anything.  This is still an area that gets to me personally.  I carry the burden of many who have left and are simply drifting in life because I see it as something that can so easily be fixed or remedied.  I do feel that God has been working on me, and I understand that He could be using this time in a very special way in someone’s life, or that for a season SIN has simply won a battle (but doesn’t win the war). I’m still working on these areas of my leadership and ministry. I know this is a difficult issue for many leaders - especially within the church.  I’d love to hear what you’ve learned in your 5, 10, 20 years of ministry.  Please share in the comments below!